Fear

What am I afraid of?

I think in terms of phobias I have one of the strangest. I don’t even know what the term for it is. Sometimes I am afraid of being self-deluded. Typically, when I am empathizing with someone.

I often feel like I have to remind myself that I don’t have the problem myself.

Even when it is just their everyday stuff I feel the need to remind myself that I do not have their problems.

To be honest I almost delude myself sometimes. It could be because of my Autism but I am not sure. But I am not sure why I almost delude myself. I sometimes almost convince myself I am in a situation even when I am not. And maybe my problem is just a subconscious manifestation of how we empathize with people. Maybe my problem I am having, everyone has on a subconscious level. Perhaps this is how empathy works. We temporally trick ourselves into thinking we are in someone else’s situation while reminding ourselves we are not in the situation. Point is if somebody could read my mind while I listening to someone’s tragic back story I would look like a jerk.

Another fear I have is related to the future and my skill level.

You see in the future I want to write stories and I also like to see people review stuff especially of a story medium, like Anime stories, movies and extra. But sometimes when I see someone review something that is bad I sometimes fear I am going to make the same mistake that author of that bad piece of fiction made. It’s not necessarily the reticule, in fact I really don’t think that future reticule come into it that much. It is that when I write these stories I want to write I will do it badly and people will review and I will find out that I do suck. I do not care that I get criticized it is that I am afraid of being a bad writer.

I know that I am going to start out sucking and I am going to need to learn how to be a good author as I write experimental and get criticisms but I want to start out amazing right from the beginning again not to avoid criticism but just for the sake of being good.